Capitalism III Invite

April 15th. Tax day. Hundreds of millions of Americans frantically calculate, seal, and post their 1993 taxes. The Internal Revenue Service, essentially an independant branch of the US government, is a loaded gun held to the head of every single citizen. Even President Clinton submits his personal return, carefully scrutinized by a Whitewater sensitized congress.

But the inescapable truth is that the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor. The cream skimmed from the top feeds the mouths of the government dupes who maintain the status quo! But there is a chance for wealth, for power, for sexual prowess -- if only for an evening....

THE REPUBLIC OF THE RESORT PROUDLY PRESENTS

CAPITALISM III: "Bob Dole fucks you up the butt for $$$$"

This simple sacrifice to the Senate minority leader provides you with sufficent funds to become one of the elite. Can you prove yourself worthy? Can you multiply your capital one thousand-fold? Or did you give your anal passage in vain?

Starting with unencumbered capital, any goods you possess, and any services you can provide, you have 6 hours to barter, buy, sell, or trade yourself to the top of the financial world. Amass VAST sums while still assuming the lifestyle of the TRULY WEALTHY! Buy out rival vendors and become a monopolistic PIG! Conduct UNDERHANDED deals to bring your foes to FINANCIAL DOOM! Or slowly spend your pennies and sink into a STUPOR!

Take ADVANTAGE of TAX LOOP HOLES by bringing a XEROX of your tax return for additional starting CAPITAL!

WE provide a location, a government, security, a financial standard, and cheap entertainment. The REPUBLIC OF THE RESORT assumes NO responsibility for YOU, your POSSESSIONS, your FINANCIAL SECURITY, your INTEGRITY, or your MORALS. Infractions of the law will be dealt with SEVERELY!

YOU provide needed goods and services, a consumer base! Given the instability of the times you must strive for IMMEDIATE SATISFACTION! Theres NO TIME to save for a RAINY DAY! Pull the WOOL over your OWN EYES as you haggle over your last DIME!

LAWS OF THE RESORT

Citizens must vomit outside or in approved vomit disposal units.
"No" always means NO unless:
- you're using a safeword with a consenting partner.
- you're going to vomit and someone wants to use the bathroom first.
- you're eating Galen's food.
- its Tammy.
NO SINGLE PERSON VEHICLES WITH MORE THAN TWO WHEELS. ALL AUTOS MUST BE >= 50% FILLED.
NO EXCESSIVE NOISE BEFORE 10 AM!
NO SLEEPING IN ROOMS YOU'VE NOT BEEN INVITED TO SLEEP IN!
YOU MUST ACCEPT PROPOSITIONS FROM RESORT MEMBERS UNLESS YOU ARE OFFERED SOMETHING BETTER (or its Doug)

KINDLY ADVICE OF THE RESORT

Bring bedding if you plan to stay the night.
If you're interested in sleeping early; try the tennis courts!
Bring bisquik, milk, and eggs and you could have breakfast!
Don't even think about driving intoxicated! Ask if you need coffee.
If you park on the road, pull as far off as you can; sometimes the locals enjoy pushing off cars which aren't.
Trouble with something/someone? Ask a resort member or security.
Safe sex or No sex? If you can't have the former, take the latter.

The Republic opens its doors at 8pm -- please no early shows. The Republic may be reached at 454-0831. Mail capitalism@resort.com for directions/info.