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While our HIND$IGHT predictions are 90%, we CAN'T EXPLAIN these recent PECULIAR FLUXUATION$! Who would have THOUGHT that CATTLE would affect the market so?
The Business Man
The CON$PIRACI$T$ seem to be RIGHT. $omehow, INCREA$ED PROFITABILITY is DIRECTLY RELATED to the frequency of UFO $IGHTING$. GOD BLE$$ THE UFO$, WE'RE ALL GETTING RICH!
The Alien Fanatic
The WORLD is ENDING! When the CATTLE RUN OUT, the ALIEN$ WILL TAKE THE HUMAN$! WE HAVEN'T BEEN FACTORY FARMING CATTLE: THE ALIEN$ HAVE BEEN FACTORY FARMING U$!
The Religious Fanatic
Materialism is the EVIL which $TALK$ the LORD'$ HOU$E. REPENT! Give up your WEALTH and attain HOLY BEATITUDE!
Well yes, actually Comet HAIL-BOB *I$* passing closer to the Earth than we first predicted. Passage near the sun OFTEN ALTER$ the ORBITAL PARAMETER$ however, I wouldn't say this was odd at all.
The Insurance Commissioner
No, we have no plans to extend personal coverage for UFOs and ALIEN ENCOUNTER$. Those people are all crazy.
Get AWAY from me you little PENCILNECKS! I'll be WATCHING for TROUBLE and lawbreakers will be HANGING from the TREE OF WOE! [an error occurred while processing this directive]