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Market Outlook

As a new investor in the Market, you may be uncertain and wary of recent trends. We've briefly consulted some experts in the field to provide some professional viewpoints:

The Economist
While our HIND$IGHT predictions are 90%, we CAN'T EXPLAIN these recent PECULIAR FLUXUATION$! Who would have THOUGHT that CATTLE would affect the market so?

The Business Man
The CON$PIRACI$T$ seem to be RIGHT. $omehow, INCREA$ED PROFITABILITY is DIRECTLY RELATED to the frequency of UFO $IGHTING$. GOD BLE$$ THE UFO$, WE'RE ALL GETTING RICH!

The Alien Fanatic
The WORLD is ENDING! When the CATTLE RUN OUT, the ALIEN$ WILL TAKE THE HUMAN$! WE HAVEN'T BEEN FACTORY FARMING CATTLE: THE ALIEN$ HAVE BEEN FACTORY FARMING U$!

The Religious Fanatic
Materialism is the EVIL which $TALK$ the LORD'$ HOU$E. REPENT! Give up your WEALTH and attain HOLY BEATITUDE!

The Astronomer
Well yes, actually Comet HAIL-BOB *I$* passing closer to the Earth than we first predicted. Passage near the sun OFTEN ALTER$ the ORBITAL PARAMETER$ however, I wouldn't say this was odd at all.

The Insurance Commissioner
No, we have no plans to extend personal coverage for UFOs and ALIEN ENCOUNTER$. Those people are all crazy.

The Constable
Get AWAY from me you little PENCILNECKS! I'll be WATCHING for TROUBLE and lawbreakers will be HANGING from the TREE OF WOE!

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